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LESSON LEARNT

Good morning,

I am happy to be writing this to you this morning. I’ve missed writing, but I’m still putting myself together. 😊

Straight to my message.

One of my very close friend, lost someone like a sister to her during the week. I felt so bad for her, because instead of only properly mourning, what of most she felt was a bit of regret of how much time she never got to spend with this sister/friend and how much time she wasted on others who didn’t appreciate her or reciprocated her love and also even disrespected her along the way.

But I learnt a lesson earlier during the year to just literally keep away from them and love them from far. I remember then that it was such a hard thing to do, most of these people looked at me funny like I was crazy.

“LOVING FROM FAR IS NOT A CRIME”.”They started saying all sorts of things and making me feel worse when they noticed my decision of reducing my relationship with them. I thought to myself couldn’t they take a mirror and look at themselves to decipher if they are the reason I was behaving like that.

“I GUESS I WASN’T WORTH FIGHTING FOR”This morning as I was about to do my quite time. BDHM also did the quiet time topic on exactly my thoughts. So I thought it was the perfect time to let you know my thoughts on it and as usual once again he has spoken much better than I could ever explain myself.

As a woman I would have ranted and vented on and on and on 🙈🙈😂😂😂😂.

So read this little quiet time post

QUIET TIME BY BDHMPsalm 1:1Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor…sitteth in the seat of the scornful.

The world has two types of people: those who believe in you and those who have no confidence in you. Learn to turn away from people who despise you.

I can always tell when someone despises me at heart. Every leader should learn to detect the spirit of critical and hateful people (1 John 4:1). Rejection is a spiritual thing and can be discerned spiritually.

I once spoke to a doctor in the USA. I had always known that this fellow despised me. Though he never said much to me, I knew it in my spirit. Just like David, I turned away from him and “flowed” with those who believed in me. He confirmed this and said, “What you are saying is true. Somehow, in those days I didn’t like what you were doing. But now, I have come to appreciate your ministry.”

No one can flourish in an environment of spitefulness. In some churches, professionals are neither regarded nor respected as far as the ministry is concerned.

If you are a lawyer, doctor or accountant, the ministers may consider you incapable of ministry work. I advise such people to attend a church where they can be involved in ministry without being despised. Some full-time ministers simply do not recognize the role of lay people.

In some places, poor and uneducated people are despised.

It is important to turn away from an environment where you are despised. You can only flourish where people respect and love you. Continue reading “LESSON LEARNT”

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Gamophobia

Good morning,

Straight to my letter to you today. I was in an evening service yesterday and we were listening to a message by BDHM and he was preaching about different forms of spirit of fears/disorders. MY goodness I knew I just had to tell you about it.

Below is the link to the message if you want to listen to it. He always does a better job at explaining these things. ⤵️⤵️

Spirit of Power, Love and Sound Mind Part 2 by BDHM

Scripture for the message is

2 Timothy 1 (Listen)

2 Timothy 1:7For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

So for those who haven’t googled today’s title yet to find out what on earth I’ll be talking about, here it is.

What is Gamophobia??? (According to google)

“Gamophobia is the fear of commitment, though it can also be the excessive, persistent, uncontrollable and irrational fear of marriage. It is derived from the Greek word Gamos which means marriage and phobos meaning fear.”

I have met a lot of people with all sorts of fears of marriage/commitment, such as…

A person is particularly scared of getting married, and I mean the idea of spending their whole life with a single person is daunting for them.

What causes Gamophobia???

It is typically looked at as only a man’s problem, especially because some find it hard to commit to one woman or even bring themselves to propose to their long term beloved. But I must point out, that a lot of women also suffer from it.

I mean a client was telling me the other day that a friend’s husband said he loves his wife but doesn’t understand why he can’t have turkey sometimes although he enjoys chicken.

You also find that these types of people, live with their partners, have children but never get married, because of the fear that marriage will curse the relationship or the other party will change and all sorts.

Some factors that causes it are personal insecurities (like being heart broken, not feeling adequate enough for their partners etc), financial status and other social factors that comes along with marriage.

Even if they do manage to get married, these thoughts and fears are still lingering around. It can develop into domestic violence, pushing the other partner away, false accusations and so on.

Gamophobia occurs sometimes when the person didn’t witness good marriages around them. So this has left a bad taste in their mouth.

In my research I read that these incidents can be caused by divorce of parents during childhood, abuse from parents, seeing one’s parents or other married couples fight and quarrel, a previous marriage failure, betrayal from partner or hearing about unsuccessful marriages extensively.

Treatment for Gamophobia

It can be treated with both therapy/counselling and medications. I will also add with a lot of prayer and spiritual counselling not just any counselling.

But like I always say, if you want to be healed you have to first admit and confess that you have a problem.

What I’m saying is, if you really want to overcome the fear of marriage/commitment, you desire/need to really be ready to overcome the fear, seek the right guidance from your senior ministers and take practical steps.

Let’s stop denying what is clear and right in front of us. We will be missing out on great things in life, that we are entitled to, that God has planned for us.

May our stubbornness and inability to seek for help not hinder us from our breakthrough.

Proverbs 29:1 “He who is often reproved, yet stiffens his neck, will suddenly be broken beyond healing.”

Everything that is a success in life takes a lot of work. So just like how you want to be successful in your job and personal life, you must be ready to put the same effort into your relationships/marriage.

Marriage is an unending school, it is like entering into an unknown territory. There is no manual.

That is why we must have faith and by the grace of God, I know you can overcome this fear, as long as you are willing to be healed from the spirit of Gamophobia. Amen.

Psalms 34:17

The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.”

Be blessed 😇🙏😘

Yours always,

#myepistle…

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Fear Controls You

Good morning,

I’m glad to be writing to you today. As you know I have been very lazy writing lately.

I am allowing my personal life to take centre stage right now. I guess it’s just a season. I know when I do have something important that God has laid in my heart for you, you will hear from me 😊.

But I just needed to write today. I woke up with this thought about fear.

You know fear is one of the things that stops us from progressing.

Firstly what does the dictionary mean by the word “FEAR”

* An unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.

A feeling of anxiety concerning the outcome of something or the safety of someone. The likelihood of something unwelcome happening. A mixed feeling of dread and reverence, ‘like the love and fear of God’

BDHM once said

“JUST LIKE FAITH COMES BY HEARING, FEAR ALSO COMES BY HEARING”

When I heard this quote that “fear comes by hearing”, it made perfect sense.

Fear doesn’t just come upon you, it starts with a thought developing or that voice inside you giving you negative thoughts or like someone saying something like,….

…You are not beautiful enough

…You haven’t achieved much in life

…Why aren’t you married yet?

…Don’t you think that dress looks tacky

…To make it in this industry it is hard

…As for me I don’t think it is possible

You see all these types of statements drives fear and doubts into us and causes us not to progress.

I mean who cares right! Gods timing and all, God knows best.

I used to be a victim of this, but glory to God, during my early days as a Christian, God gave me this scripture and whenever I feel like I am developing any form of fear or anxiety I just repeat this scripture to myself till I feel better.

2 Timothy 1:7, For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

By the way if you didn’t know, this is my favourite scripture of all time.

I don’t have much to say than let us be careful of the types people we listen to, whom we allow to have a say or influence our thoughts and decisions. They can influence our thoughts and invite or awaken demons like fear inside us.

Be weary 🤔🤔 of people making passing comments. Focus on the word of God and His promises, because He’s got you.

Be blessed and till next time, yours always…😊

#myepistle…

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MIA

Good morning,

It has been a long time since I have written to you. I am so sorry for those who are always looking forward to my epistles.

I am just getting used to my new life.

There is a lot going on and I’m learning to adapt, I’m learning to accept, I’m learning to love this new chapter of my life.

I’m sure you’re wondering what is going on??? In due time don’t worry I will share.

But for now I am just managing to get used to it. But I’m still here, I’m alive and kicking and I believe same with you all.

So the Lord put it in my heart the other day that I gave a job and you’re not doing a good job of it.

I told the Lord please help me plan better because I just feel so overwhelmed right now and I’m still working it out.

As usual he said all you had to do was ask. Remember I cannot come in or else you give me permission.

He reminded me of His words…

John 15:16

“You did not choose Me but I chose you, and appointed you that you would go and bear fruit, and that your fruit would remain, so that whatever you ask of the Father in My name He may give to you.

And…

Matthew 7:7

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

So I might be MIA occasionally, but I will do my best to always come back to you all.

I just wish there was a better medium to do this without having to send a link. Oh well! till I find another medium I’ll still keep on using this one.

I’m taking another approach towards my epistle to you. So you might find a much personal approach will resonate as time goes by.

And I believe according to this scripture…

2 Corinthians 12:8-9

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

I feel reassured that indeed he His with us all. So anyone out there feeling overwhelmed about their current situation, please be encouraged that God is with you and he’ll never leave nor forsake you.

Continue to stay tuned and God bless you as you read and share.

Lots of love always. 😇😘🙏

#myepistle…

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Why Not Him??? 🤷‍♀️

Good morning,

I am sorry I haven’t written to you this week. Work has been overwhelming (glory be to God). 

So today I want to share a conversation I had recently with a certain lady. 

Me: why won’t you considered this brother, I think you’ll work. Don’t you agree?

Lady: No I am not interested. 

Me: But you have great chemistry ☺️😊 WHY NOT HIM???

Lady: 😒 How can you be with someone who brings out the worst in you. 

Me: 😱😨😳😲😧 WOW true talk. 

In that moment it hit me. She was being wise and had paid good attention to have know this fact. 

Having good chemistry doesn’t always mean it will work. These two banter a lot and the guy really likes her. But when she made this statement I looked back into so many other relationships, that I know either the guy or the lady had brought out the worst in the other. 

I guess this is another thing you have to add to the list of things to look out for in your choice of spouse. 

Does this person encourage you to be a better man or woman. Are they like unfortunately our dear mother Eve, who led Adam into making a bad decision in also eating of the fruits.

Gen 3:6, And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

Or like a Abigail who’s husband Nabal nearly cost them their lives. Thank God she  didn’t listen to his foolish ways and turned the situation around and pleaded for David’s mercies. Well Nabal still lost his life in the process. 

Read full story: 1 Samuel 25

One of the things I always thank God for in my husband is, no matter how unhappy I am with someone, my husband will never stop talking to them. He will tell me that is between me and the person and I should work it out and vice versa.

I know a few couple whom whereby when one is not talking or in a misunderstanding with someone, then the other also carries up the malice cross and follows the wife or husband to stop taking to the person. 

In a relationship, you must be able to correct each other and set each other straight and not encourage bad behaviour. 

You must avoid letting the other half develop certain traits like becoming defensive or justifying themselves all the time. Even things like the person becoming timid and unable to express themselves out of trying to remain in love. 

All these things are unhealthy in a long run for the relationship.

This doesn’t only go for relationships. As I was writing it occurred to me, that they are some friendships you need to let go of.  This is because the person is not bringing out the best in you. They are not fruitful in the relationship. They bring you down and make you feel insecure and like you have to match up to them all the time.

A good friend must be able to influence you for greater things and want to see you succeed as much as themselves. They must be genuinely concerned about your well being.

Once again choose wisely and don’t let CHEMISTRY fool you. Test the spirit behind the potential spouse. Don’t just look at what it looks like on the surface. Look deeper!

Be blessed and as always, this is 

#myepistletoyou…

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The Available Becomes The Wanted 

Good morning,

I came across a clip recently about a man finding comfort in the arms of his maid. The clip portrayed his wife always working, doesn’t clean or cook nor have regular sex with her husband. She instructed the maid to take good care of her husband, and attend to his every need, she kept emphasising on his every need part. 

Now this lady being very naive, took it literally and when the husband made a pass at her, she concluded it was part of her duties as her boss did say “every need“. 

Well all jokes apart………….Men like service, they love attention and demand a lot of care. Am average man likes a woman that massages his ego. A woman that shows respect and is submissive.

When we read the account of Vashti, she didn’t play her role well and she was replaced. 

Esther 1:10-12, 10 On the seventh day, when King Xerxes was in high spirits from wine, he commanded the seven eunuchs who served him—Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar and Karkas— 11 to bring before him Queen Vashti, wearing her royal crown, in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles, for she was lovely to look at. 12 But when the attendants delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come. Then the king became furious and burned with anger.

Esther 1:19, 19 “Therefore, if it pleases the king, let him issue a royal decree and let it be written in the laws of Persia and Media, which cannot be repealed, that Vashti is never again to enter the presence of King Xerxes. Also let the king give her royal position to someone else who is better than she.

Esther on the other hand knew how to play the role very well. She was very submissive and used a lot of wisdom to dwell with her man, a king at that. 

You see when an average man cheats and cheats but never leaves home, I think it is because deep down in his heart he still loves his wife, but because he isn’t satisfied at home, he looks elsewhere and probably wishes it was his wife he was with each time.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not condoning nor making excuses for men. I believe a trully God fearing man should refrain from such sin no matter his situation at home and get counselling.

Let us not ruin our own home with our own hands. Let us play our roles with great wisdom and not manipulation. Let us be fortified with prayer constantly for God to shield our homes from strange women.

A great woman…, she rises also while it is still night And gives food to her household And portions to her maidens.

Proverbs 31:15,

Don’t send another friend, mother or sister to do your duties. If you are going to be away for some time, cook and portion them  into the fridge or freezer. If you have to get a maid, get one that leaves on the same day if possible. Don’t let the help attend to your husbands personal needs.


Because remember ladies “When the wanted is not available the available will become the wanted”.

Yours always😘🙏😇, this is…

#myepistletoyou…

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Nothing else in common 🤷‍♀️💔🤷‍♂️

Good morning,

I believe you had a great weekend and I thank God for keeping you. 

“The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread”. ~Mother Teresa


I hear this statement all the time “we no longer have anything in common”. 

READ THIS!⤵️

WIFE:- I have been with my husband for about 13 years now and we have a decent relationship but there is no passion, affection, or excitement. We just have nothing in common anymore and live mostly like roomates.

HUSBAND:- After hearing my wife say for the past 12 years that she feels like we’re roommates. I don’t play video games, I’m active with my kids, I try to be as sensitive to my wife’s needs as I possibly know how, but I keep “coming up short!?” I’m not trying to paint myself as a noble saint–I know I’m not perfect. I am just genuinely trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong (for 12 years) that is upsetting her!? Whenever I try to ask her, she tells that I just don’t get it and then ends the conversation. I’m fishing here for any kind of any answer, because it feels like any minute the wheels are going to come flying off our marriage and I won’t have a clue as to what happened or how to resolve it!? I love her, I want to be with her, I’m doing everything I know to do, but like I said, I just keep coming up short!?

Firstly I find it the most absurd comment people make when they want out of their marriage. You didn’t have anything in common in the first place. Apart from that, as long as there is real love, when there is a bend in the marriage, the passion, affection, or excitement, can always be revived.

So I asked a few people who had similar issues and this is what I found, that they had married for the wrong reasons in the first place. When I asked why did you get married?, these where their reason,

1.) I really liked him, but mostly for financial stability

2.) I was getting older, but yes I loved him too

3.) He was very handsome and I fell in love 

4.) I was ready to start having children and we were ok at the time.

And so on…

This past weekend a friend had come to work with me on a wedding. During the time it randomly dropped into my heart and I said to her “aren’t you glad we married for love”. She said “Yes”. We may not have what we know some of our friends have, but we can see they didn’t marry for genuine love. 

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 I realised a lot of marriages fall out of love because they married for the wrong reasons. They didn’t consider what the will of God was in choosing a spouse. They didn’t pray, they went only on emotions and feelings. 

Frankly you were not in love in the first place and that is why the love never grew. Real love grows and people enjoy each other more and more as time goes by. The first mistake is not waiting on God for the right person, which then leaves you with the wrong person or frankly choosing the bad apples.

Psalm 27, Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.

Keep God at the centre always. Because the nearer you are the better your marriage and the further you are the more the marriage weakens. 


Have a great week ahead and remember “Love is fruitful and is meant to grow when sown on a good ground and not wither away like it was sown on a stony ground”. Please choose wisely!

Yours always, this is…

#myepistletoyou